stay up from a relapse

i relapsed.

after a couple months of practicing sobriety, i caved. i “rewarded” myself and some people would say that i have to start over but i don’t feel like i have to “start over,” i simply have to continue my path. i don’t feel bad, i don’t feel sad, i don’t feel like i failed because i didn’t. i fucked up and it took me my relapse to understand that i am human. it’s helped my sobriety become stronger and put into place what is more important.

since being sober, i have woken up at 6am and worked out for an hour and spent lots of time playing with molly at a park. i sit and have a schedule, a friend said a schedule would hold me accountable for my time. this is quarantine, if we don’t learn something, accomplish something during this time then what are we doing?

we’re always saying, if i had more time… well you have it now, so do something with it. there’s no excuses. people have reached out. sober friends who have given me insight on their sobriety and it’s so inspiring and motivating. we’re a team.

since my relapse, which took place maybe a couple weeks ago. i remembered why i’m sober. i deserve to wake up early, workout, eat healthy and write. i love my life as a sober citizen and i fucked up. i fucked up, that’s ok. i kept myself together and went to bed and woke up the next day continuing my routine.

i didn’t feel sorry for myself, i didn’t cry, i didn’t beat myself up. i simply continued the next day doing what i’ve loved doing. giving yourself permission to fuck up and continue.

pay attention.

to the word, continue.

you continue your path through sobriety and if you’re going to fuck up. accept it and force yourself to get back on track the next day! you can do it, you deserve it and the only person that can do that is yourself. love yourself.