ride with me because I'll ride for you

I got shit to say and a heavy heart to finally let go. The reason you might have a heavy heart is because you haven’t gotten closure. You can not get closure from other people but you can sure as hell give it to yourself.

i'm a serial dater. I like dating, I like getting to know someone. Am I dating to marry…. no. I simply just let the wind take me wherever. If it happens it happens, if it doesn't, it doesn’t. But you gotta date around to find the right one. I’m a Pisces (truly I am)… I’m a hopeless romantic which makes me a great girlfriend in some ways. I love loving but for me it’s a little different, I rush. The flame is sparked and I move fast (in which I need to learn from). The spark lights up and the flame dies down just as fast.

I have had so many beautiful girlfriends… I can’t even say ‘some’… they were all beautiful in their own ways. We also have our bad… some are greater in that category than others but one thing that they all have in common is that I wasn’t willing to give my all. I was raised with my mom saying “never give your all to someone, always keep 10% to yourself. Why? Because when you break up, you will have that 10% to build from.” Good advice? I don’t know, but it’s definitely smart.

I have never been able to give my all to someone. I’m always ready for the worst. I am the one that was never ready and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. You never know where things go but I’m definitely not pushing for perfection.

I don’t regret any of my ex girlfriends. They were beautiful, they were kind and generous and willing to love. I didn’t deserve a lot of them. I try to keep in good standing with most of them, some haven’t worked out and that’s okay. They hate me, they say things that aren’t true… there’s nothing I can do. I forgive every single one that has prolonged the negative. What can I do? Defend myself sure but the people that they have told have already made up their minds and that’s okay. I know what I’ve done and I’m okay with it. Receipts are available and I wasn’t afraid to show them but for what? Who cares. They’re hurt, I’m hurt but, BUT I am not willing to spread rumors. Your character shows after you break up with someone and you make up lies… pay attention, when you talk ugly of people, that’s THEIR character. I’m always willing to admit when I fuck up. I really like that about myself.

everyone is different, everyone copes a different way but don’t tarnish someones character. Someone that you spend a couple months with or a couple years. I hate how people become strangers after they break up, I hate it. I shared a huge part of my life with you. I don’t care how long… couple months or years… I could love someone just as much as someone I was with for years. Time doesn’t matter.

I owe an apology to everyone single one of my ex’s. Some more than others. It’s up to them whether they want to take it or not. either way is okay. I was a liar, I was a cheater, I was hard to communicate with, I was mentally unstable, I was and maybe still am a lot of these things and I am sorry. To every single one of you. I learned from every single relationships and you didn’t deserve it. I’m sorry. We all learn and grow. I was big headed, confident and cocky but as most of you know, I have a huge heart.

I wasn’t ready and I’m not till this day and that’s okay. I’m waiting for the right fit. I want it to be easy and fun and sexy and a little bit of drama. I like having to take care of you when you’re starting a fight for no reason. I call you out, you call me out and that’s okay, it’s cute.

I believe in second chances, I believe in working it out. I come from a divorced family, most of us do but one thing I’m really proud of is that I believe in working things out. I’m a pain in the ass, I know and it’s not intentional but I do believe that there will be someone that believes in me and vice versa. I believe in believing in someone if you love them. If you truly love someone, you want to teach them, nurture them, understand they’re not perfect.

I can always tell who someone truly is after the break up. Sure you need space but love is love. The chase is always fun but that shit will run out. I will fight, I will nurture, I will learn, I will do what you want me to do and that for me is staying put. You’re angry with me, ok. You’re resentful towards me, ok. I did that to you but me staying put and still believing in you is something most people won’t do.

it’s not the chase that I want… but when you leave me and I still love you and believe there’s future, I will fight for both of us. No matter how stupid I look. I don’t care because you’re the only thing that matters to me. I will be patient and let you do you, it’s fair but give people second chances and believe that hey have grown and learned.

people learn, people grow… give it a chance. There’s no ego or pride in love. Give that person a chance. To me, there is nothing more beautiful than a person staying with you if they believe you can love them with a huge huge huge heart. Stay with me, believe in me. Love is selfless. That’s all. Take your time but believe in love and people.