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#metoo

i think it’s safe to say that the “united” states has continuously been losing it’s shit. kavanaugh was sworn in as associate justice of the us supreme court…


wtf?


this felt all too familiar. it was the same feeling i felt when trump was announced “president” of the united states; my heart sank. victims are encouraged to come forward, only if they have hard proof evidence? i mean we should all be able to come forward after something happens; although some of us are left in shock. we dwell and sometimes believe it’s our fault and takes a few days, months or years to process.


how is this okay? dr. ford gave us hope, she showed us strength, she showed us how to be brave. she tried saving our supreme court from nominating another scum bag. why can’t we have a bunch of kamara harris’ in the house, right!? we thought we were making a change.


wrong.

this legit is the land of the f r e e.

free to do what you want and get away with it…


sadly, this means that we will continue to be hear “me too” for a very long time…


we say no,

we avoid dark alleys,

we avoid strange men,

we avoid mini skirts,

we avoid eye contact,

we guard our drinks at the bar,

we avoid public transportation after 8pm,

we smile and politely say no to a drink and or conversation…

all to be insulted and/or be called a stuck up bitch

.

seriously guys, why the fuck are we the only ones taking precautions? and why the fuck has society made it our responsibility to nurture a mans ego?


i d o n ‘ t g e t i t .


i once had a best friend whose family i was very close with… one afternoon when my best friend and her mom went to a doctors appointment, i was left asleep in her room while her dad roamed around the front garden. nothing to fear…


i’ve known him for 6 years; i loved this man, i cared for this man, i trusted this man. i was woken up by his weight shifting up my side of the mattress. i laid still pretending to be asleep, preparing myself for what was going to happen next…


girl, if i had to kick, scratch & punch… i was prepared to.

i wasn’t going to go down without a fight.

as we all know, sometimes thats not enough but we have to try.


i’ll never forget his breath tickling the back of my ear and his right hand brushing the hair off my face. i laid still, with my eyes still closed but i felt my heart beat rapidly increasing. i clenched my fists, tightened my body and slowed down my breath.


what the fuck was going to happen?

was i really about to fight my best friends dad off me?


he continued to shift his weight closer to me, his right arm laid across me. he continued to move closer and held me tighter as he whispered “baby” into my right ear…

i know what some people are thinking…


why didn’t you get up? why didn’t you say something?

i can’t answer that…


i was so paralyzed by all of my thoughts, i couldn’t move. i wasn’t only in shock but i was in disbelief. i should have gotten up, i should have said something but i feared any future awkward encounters.


why the fuck did i care what he thought?

he’s disgusting!


he was my best friends dad… i laid still and continued to keep my eyes shut. luckily, i felt his weight shift onto the other side of the mattress and got up. i heard his footsteps walk out of the bedroom and once i heard the door click shut, i let out a huge sigh.


i rolled over, relaxed my body and rubbed my eyes open. i couldn’t believe what had happened. i’m extremely lucky nothing happened that day. i thank my lucky stars for keeping me safe this time. i think back at that day often and i think of all the people that weren’t as lucky. my heart weighs heavy to think that people all over the world experience much worse than what i did.


i’m sorry,

you are not alone,

we are here and we are listening.

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