love, pills & libido

This weeks topic is libido. This will be hard, it will be extremely uncomfortable and I honestly thought twice about writing it. I was at a girlfriend’s house discussing my topic for the week and brought up the concerns I was having. How can I tell you my experience, without discrediting everything involved. WELL.. here we go…

I’m prescribed two medications for bipolar, anxiety and depression; I’ve officially been taking the medication for a year now and I can’t express how much that they have saved my life and sanity.

yes, MY LIFE AND SANITY.

And no… I’m not being dramatic…

But isn’t every latina a liiiiittle bit dramatic.

I know what people say about medication.

“It doesn’t work. It’s a placebo…”

“For some people, it’s fine, I guess.”

“Workout to get your libido up/change your eating habits”

“It’s a way for the government to dope us up and get us addicted just so we keep giving our money to the man.”

Ugh. I get it, yes—

BUT… the way I see it, is that it’s for my personal well-being. I know one day I will get off of my medication, but for now, I have to keep learning and trying to understand how to live with my chemical imbalance. DISCLAIMER HERE…EVERYONE is different and BY NO MEANS am I telling you to get on meds or off of them. I am not a professional, I am simply speaking of my own experience.

I’ve gained a huge new asset, my sanity and way to think before reacting, to my life BUT, I have also lost a huge huge huge part of myself.

My libido.

yep, that’s right bitch…

The girl that traveled the globe doing appearances for real world (while sleeping with quite a few women on the way) is numb. Yes girl, my mojo has disappeared, vanished. I lost it, I don’t know where that little fuck went but I’m struggling.

I noticed it once I got into a relationship and have been working through it this whole year. Ive always heard stories about people losing their libido but I never thought it would happen to me. I mean come on, it’s me.

Wrong.

Wrong.

Wrong.

I spoke to my psychiatrist about the problem and she said that it was normal and a very common side effect.

Cool bro, tell me how to fix it.

Unfortunately, the only way to boost that sex drive back up would be to by lowering your dose. Look.

I don’t care who you are or how badly I want that part of me back… but I would never jeopardize my mental health for the physicality of sex. Even if it was backbone to someones else’s self worth.

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.

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I’ve had one relationship this past year and this was something I dealt with the entire time, unfortunately it was a bigger issue than myself. We can’t blame ourselves, we can’t blame them. There’s no one to blame. This is when you have to sit back and think what is more important?

This is the first year I’ve dealt with this and I knew it would possibly be something I’d have to handle but didn’t know if it would be sooner or later… this is my journey now. Our partners will feel insecure within themselves because they do not understand. Shit, I don’t even understand but what the hell am I suppose to do?

I opened up about it but it’s not just about my mental health… it’s about theirs too.