get underneath to get over...

i had a reader write in and ask me; how do i handle break ups?

well shit, i definitely have experience in this topic. i’ve been known to be a bit of a … serial dater. yet, i like to identify myself as an “active dater.” i mean, how else am i suppose to find the love of my life, my soulmate, my partner in crime, my ride or die?

exactly girl.. i have to date. duh.

and while searching for a mate to have babies, marriage and romantic picnics at the park… unfortunately, this shit comes with heartbreaks. we all go through them but do they get easier?

i don’t care what you say. if they cheat on you, if you cheat on them… whatever causes your relationship to end, whatever the fuck happens, the process hurts like hell.

i can’t say all break ups are the same but the process of getting over them is… right?

it’s never just boom, flat, over with. some are good, some are bad but in the end; they all cause you to go through the same pain as the last. the absence, frustrations, heartache, fights, miscommunication, differences. and the one thing that we all hate the most… time. only time will heal you and it fucking blows.

it fuckin suuuuuuck…

every. single. time, it fucking suuuuuucks.

why can’t we fast forward a year from now and wake up not missing them and completely over them. it doesn’t matter if you’ve been together for 3 months, 6 months, 2 years… i mean sure the longer you’ve been together, might be a little harder but the process is still the same. you create a bond with this person and one day they just disappear. you shared such a beautiful time together and just like that, you’re done.

so after all the bullshit of loneliness and tears and sorrows and you can’t stop thinking about them. its time for you to get the fuck up and move forward in the process of getting over them.

it’s easy: you have to get underneath someone else to get over someone.

juuuuuuust kidding.

don’t do that.

in my experience, you’ll only start to compare and end up missing your ex even more. that’s just my experience but queen do whatever you want, although i don’t recommend it.

i mean honestly, i think the best way to get over your ex is keeping busy. hang out with your friends that you’ve put off because you were snuggling with your boo. self care is amazing; do your nails, get a blow-out, get your eyebrows done, go on a hike. all of these things will keep you busy.

after you try and keep yourself busy all day, it’ll be time for you to lay your pretty little head on your pillow that night. you’re going to re-read all of your ex’s texts, spy on their social medias, look at old pictures and you’re going to cry. my advice girl, cry. cry it all out because that is beautiful. begin to understand that you have to go through pain because without it, you wouldn’t appreciate the good.

begin to smile at the good times, and remind yourself of the bad and the reasons it didn’t work out. i like to write them out. i like to write my ex letters that i will never send.

i mean, i’m guilty of sending one or two.

shit did not end well. keep them to yourselves girl.

in fact you know what’s a better idea! burn it… safely. i’ve never done this but i’m interested in it. do it in a bucket outside filled with water.

don't be an asshole and do it indoors then blame me.

ive read that; writing something out and burning it is pretty satisfying. that’s one method worth trying. and my last advice is writing it in your journal. express yourself, talk to yourself, give yourself advice, gas yourself up with compliments. write down what you learned and what you plan on doing next time with your next partner.

we’re always wanting to better ourselves and we’re going to repeat our mistakes. learn from your breakups and see them as blessings. they came into your life for a reason, a stepping stone maybe.

remember to get back to loving yourself again because we often love the other person so much, we forget about ourselves. how can we love the other person if we don’t love ourselves first.

the end.