first come, first go.

First relationships are…. interesting. We all want to have them even though we kinda already know they’re not going to work out. If you’re anything like me…. I had no business getting into relationships at a young age but when is too young? I’m 31 and believe I’m barely experiencing my first committed/mature relationship.

Society taught us to love, care, want and need to live life with a significant other. Society has convinced us that until we have accomplished this, we wont be fully happy and/or satisfied…

Fuck that noise!

You’re saying I can’t be happy until someone else makes me happy?

Would cinderella be happy if she never found her prince charming.

Would Ariel be happy if she never left the sea with her prince?

Disney, can we get a motha fuckin rewrite please?

Before you start filing your claws and torching your brooms… I am not shaming the women that have men or need a significant others. I just want to stop the thought of women thinking they can’t be by themselves.

I’m stating this… because if you think like this… get it together.

you don’t need anyone to make you feel worthy. You are enough. yes, it’s beautiful to create a life with someone but before you do this, you have to take care of yourself first.

Love yourself.

Know yourself.

Understand yourself.

Be yourself.

This brings me back to the topic of our first relationship. In the LGBT world, we have to deal with a couple more things than the straight world…

Being confused and knowing we were a little different.

Admitting it to ourselves.

Coming out to our family and friends.

(in which sometimes never happens)

Learning how to bump, eat and finger vaginas,

Then having to cope with what society throws at us.

(being stared at everyone you go,

being hit on my guys and when told you’re together,

they reply with…”threesome’?)

!)#&@#!% UGH!

We have a lot on our plates and our first relationships are most definitely the most memorable.

A reader wrote in and asked for some advice on this topic… thanks J for writing in and opening up about your relationship girlfriend, we appreciate it.

She explained her first relationship with a girl who had one other girlfriend and the basic struggles that we can all relate to…

Mothers and fathers not being okay with their daughters being gay.

Being afraid of commitment once expectations begin to grow.

Futures begin to be planned.

Not communicating.

Fight before flight.

My thing is this… your parents have to get over it, I dealt with the same shit. I was fearful but I also had the type of mentality that said; this is MY life and if you love me, you’ll support me. I come from a strict Latina family and at first they weren’t okay with me being gay.

“I’d rather be hated for who I am, then loved for who I am not.”

-Kurt Cobain

I didn’t and still don’t accept anyone in my life that isn’t going to love me for me. I “came out” 9 years ago…

Yes girl, on MTV and they found out when the whole world found out.

Not necessarily the best way but fuck it.

Some people don’t have it easy, I understand. Your living arrangements, your family, your friends are assholes. What you have to remember is that this is YOUR life baby girl. You set the rules, you let whoever you want in into your life. Create it, mold it, take care of it. No one else is going to take care of your mentality the way you will.

Have a shitty family?

Move out.

Don’t have money?

Get a job.

Buy a ticket.

Move town.

Do something and everything to free yourself.

Our parents are our parents, we love them, we don’t want to disappoint them. But remember, we’re their children, they love us and we’re not wanting to be disappointed either. They’re our parents, they’re suppose to love us, take care of us and make us feel safe. Regardless of what decisions we make in our lives, we should be supported and loved. Some of us don’t have that type of parental support… that is when you come into play… you get stronger, you’re independent, you have less to worry about and you push yourself more than anyone else will.

Unless you’re intentionally and/or physically hurting someone or something.

Then fuck you.

Moving on, if you’re struggling with a partner and seem to be working harder than they are… start to reconsider your position in the relationship.

Why are you fighting harder than they are?

You’re equal. You deserve the same love you’re giving.

Fight before flight?

Why is this even an option in a relationship babe?

I understand the statement but sometimes people aren’t worth fighting for. A relationship should never feel like you’re fighting for someones attention or someones love. It should be very mutual and you should want that for yourself. You choose who you let love you… are you going to continuously fight for the love you desire from someone if its not reciprocated? Think about it.

From what I hear… your communication skills are lacking, not only yours but hers as well. Talk to her, she’s your partner. She's hard to communicate with? Well then that’s something you’re going to have to sit back and ask yourself… is this a quality you’re willing to live with? Some people aren’t great communicators, I get it but don’t be surprised when they don’t want to communicate with you. That’s extremely strenuous on a relationship. You have to be able to communicate to make a relationship work.

Write her a letter,

An email…. not a text.

I feel like thats extremely impersonal and can easily be interrupted.

When you’re trying to get a point across you; will make it and you won’t be interrupted within a letter or email. If she’s anything like me, she’d find it helpful to be able to read back and highlight your main points so she can quiz you on them later. aha!

Moving on to our final point… you can never expect or push someone to be ready to commit. They will decide this on their own. All you can do is enjoy your time with this person, whether it’s for a couple months, a couple days, a couple years… enjoy it. Always be transparent with your wants and needs and if they’re willing to meet them, great. One thing to never do, is to expect.

Just because you gave them head,

Doesn’t mean they’re going to give you head back.

But always, always be prepared for head.

In other words, prepare to lose and gain, lose some more and gain some more.

There’s no right or wrong in finding good people to build relationships with.

You’re going to fuck up, and they’re going to fuck up.

You can’t control their actions but you can control your reaction and your build up.

Want more,

Be more.