fight or flight? come at me
what was the worst fight you have gotten into with a girlfriend or boyfriend?
we fight, we have differences, we yell, we push, we let our ego and pride get in the way of the love we have for our partners. i have had many fights with partners. we antagonize to get a reaction from our partners. we’re selfish, we need attention, we’re immature, we’re listening to respond, instead of listening to understand.
our ego and pride get in the way, simply because we want to win the argument. this is weak. i once read; there is no ego and pride in love. this has stuck with me over the years. there’s no better way of understanding what it means to love someone other than yourself.
when we fight, we want to win, not seem weak, attack, be prideful and make your point. you know sometimes you know you’re wrong and you keep on fighting because you’re too wrapped up within your ego of not admitting when you’re wrong. this does nothing.
i’ve recently spoke to my best friend and was explaining the fact that her and her partner fight. well thats normal, it happens but there’s a level of respect and boundaries. i’ve yelled, i’ve thrown shit across the room, i have gotten physical and have said things i can never take back.
“sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me."
bullshit. words hurt, they destroy and they will never be forgotten.
the words that come out of your mouth are daggers that are thrown out of your own fear of looking or feeling weak. i’ve said things and i have had things said to me that i will never forget and no matter how much you apologize… you can never take those words back. regardless whether you mean them or not.
i was very different in my twenties of how i am now… in my thirties. you learn, you process, you are constantly growing.
at least you should be for your sake.
the last two relationships i’ve had, i have treated very differently from my past relationships. i’ve hurt and hurt others… i’ve carried the weight of the pain i have caused to others. trust me, it’ll catch up.
i mean if you have a fucking heart. lol.
my last relationship, i believe i was being my best self. i love, i care, i’m patient, i don’t yell, i don’t call names, i'm honest, i’m loyal, i’m giving, i’m thoughtful. truly within myself, i believe i am treating my loved one with respect. i like to say that the partner you are choosing to be with, the one you choose is your ride or die. they come before your family and friends. this is the person you’re going to build a life with… so why would you want to hurt them? disrespect them? you chose this person to love.
why are you lying?
why are you yelling?
why are you calling them names?
why are you not doing your fucking job.
i’m looking at my partner and saying, “this is my girl, it is my duty to make her feel loved. it is my responsibility to make her feel sexy, appreciated, loved, confident.” this is what you are signing up for when you choose to be with someone. if you’re not ready to give that to someone, sit the fuck down and do your thing. get your dick wet, get your pussy wet.
there’s no shame. i played my games.
my advice and words to you are treasure your person. don’t expect to get it back but i like to say, “you teach people how to treat you.” if you're the only one putting in work, it is up to you to decide whether you are willing to stay or leave. you will not change them. they will not change you.
i come from a divorced family, i’m sure a majority of us do now, and it is our duty now as a generation to pull the fuck up and truly love the people we choose. you’re wanting to commit to someone? KNOW your responsibilities and duties. it won’t be easy and fights will happen but do not cross those boundaries because you should want the best for your person. it’s your duty to protect and love them.
they hurt you, don’t be spiteful.
you’re the one choosing who loves you and who you want to love. put in the fucking work for the person you are with. it doesn’t work out? it doesn’t work out. but nothing feels better than knowing you did your best. love each other, protect each other, build and grow with the person who deserves you.
put in the work.