closed mouths don't get fed.

friendships are hard to maintain. i have been actively working on nurturing my friendships more, although covid has made it more difficult. it's recently been brought to my attention that i do not nurture my friendships enough and it’s something that i never thought i had to do.

you see… i had a long term friendship with a friend i’ve had since high school. she was one of my best, best, best friends.

yes, we deserved 3 “best”s because that’s where i thought we were.

i held this woman so close to my heart; she was like a sister. we spent so many years together making beautiful memories since we were 16. she moved to a different city, as well as i did. since we were both in different cities, we went our separate ways and were living our own beautiful lives. i didn’t know i had to check in every week, month or whatever. i should have, but i thought since i saw her on social media, i wasn’t in the dark.

this is where i went wrong. i expected our friendship to last through anything because that’s how it always was. thick and thin, distance, whatever the bullshit. we’ve never fought in all our years of being friends. she checked me when i needed to be checked and she loved me when no one else did. she was my rock. i maybe took her for granted, but i truly was there for her and took care of her whenever she needed. i wasn’t as accessible when we moved apart.

like damn, i’m really good friends with her brother and mom too.

i never thought we’d end on such stupid circumstances.

i can't say it’s stupid, she’s valid to her own feelings.

i’m honestly not the type of friend that gets into arguments with friends. i mean what the fuck do friends fight about? you’re not in a romantic relationship with each other so i’m still trying to understand what in the hell people bicker about. you know when friends get mad at each other, then stop talking for months… then come back to being friends? you reconcile your friendship and maybe brush it under the rug and/or forgive each other.

i never fucking understood it bro. like what the fuck are you guys fighting about? there’s absolutely no reason for it.

tbh, my friends are more important than my family because

your friends are the people you CHOOSE to be in your life.

anyway, this friend explained she was pretty upset at the fact that i never checked up on her and she’s right. we’ve gone years without seeing each other. in my defense, i’ve been dealing with sobriety. while getting high, i only cared about myself and was sick. i’ve been unsupportive, not around, uninterested and more. i didn’t realize this at all. i blame social media. "bitch, i know what you’re up to." i comment and send messages telling her i’m proud of her and shit.

i mean she’s not wrong and i am not the one to be petty and throw back the “you haven’t text or reached out either”.

two wrongs don’t make a right.

so what the fuck are you talking about? i’m not a needy friend and she never was either, but she was obviously feeling some type of way.

should i have asked how she was doing more often? yes. i thought i was but, honestly, i always express to my friends that if they need me or need someone to talk to i am always available for them. my other friends are well aware of that... or maybe they feel the same way? the “you only call me when you need something” type of shit, i don’t play that. if she would have communicated, "yo i need you more in my life...let’s keep in contact more." then hell ya, i totally would have put in more effort because her friendship meant the world to me, but she didn’t.

this isn’t a one way street bro, but again, i’m not throwing that in anyones face. you miss me? call me. if you thought it was that big of an issue for you, then say something.

anyway, she went on saying all of this and the only thing i thought right to do was to apologize and ask if we could move forward. she didn’t accept it and it broke my heart… what else am i suppose to do?

it’s fine girl, but don’t play the victim when you could have requested more nurturing.

you want to be stubborn and petty. if you think our friendship, of like 17 years, is disposable… than so be it. you’ve already made up your mind… so why am i going to waste my breath apologizing for shit you should be apologizing for too? the only difference is that i’m content and was happy with seeing you happy and not checking up because i see it on social media. i didn’t expect this type of response from you because you were one of the most important people in my life. you could do no wrong.

that’s just me and valued you more than you valued me.

it’s cooooool. everyone is valid towards their own feelings.

have you guys had a situation like this? if so, i’d like to hear your thoughts in the comment section below. let’s interact and build a safe community for all of us to learn and grow with each other.

love you guys! see you next week! and again, every wednesday i’m here for my babies. thank you for the on going support and please send in topics you want to hear more about.