a reader has written in asking how she can build her self confidence… she worries about what people think of her and wants everyone to like her. as much as we don’t want to admit it, we all care about what others think and want to be liked. if you agree to disagree, i’ll stop you right there girlfran.
i call bull-caca.
in other words… bullshit!
relax, relax, it’s okay… but really think about it. social media is huge, huge, huge. we all have accounts, we all post, we all release dopamine every time we get a like or a comment…
it was researched.
i honestly believe that no one will ever be fully confident with themselves and i don’t look at it negatively. we should alway strive for growth, not perfection. i push and challenge myself towards growth and continue to mold myself into who i want to be.
believe me its a process…
in the past i would cheat on my girlfriends, i would lie to my family, i would hurt myself, i would damage relationships, i’d eye roll every time i didn’t agree with someone, i didn’t have patience, i’d snap at people, my filter was non-existent.
i’m not proud of it,
but first things first;
awareness then accountability.
lucky for me, i was given a mirror reflection of myself. when i was on MTV’s real world cancun in 2009, i was able to judge my actions and words through the television screen. people are always so quick to call me a bitch or irrational and i’d flip my hair and say “ok” without being fazed. once i saw what they were seeing, i was so embarrassed and i questioned my confidence. i couldn’t believe the way i was acting and the things i was saying…
my mother was definitely not proud of me
and half of my family shut me out.
i don’t blame them but that damaged me a bit.
9 years later, i am still practicing how to be kind, how to hold my tongue, how to be a little more patient so i can be more confident in myself and my actions. if i can do it, so can you… you just have to want to do it for yourself.
this is the part where i tell you that you shouldn’t care what other people think or how they view you. not everyone is going to like you and thats OK. confidence starts from within you not others. be confident with your words and your reactions. let everyone else stay in their own lane and you’ll stay in yours. what’s the point of making yourself feel anything negative because of someone else? notice how i said making yourself.
in buddhism they teach that no one is allowed to make you feel any sort of way…
you choose how to feel because you are in control of your emotions.
someone says something negatively about you… you get upset…
that’s not fully their fault, it’s partly yours. you choose how to feel…
remember this next time you get upset and/or feel any type of negativity.
on the road to finding your best self and confidence you have to cut the excuses. you can change and you should want to evolve for the better. i understand it might be harder for some but cut the bullshit.
now, look at yourself and write down the qualities you like and the qualities don’t. give yourself credit for the great qualities and work to change the rest. ask yourself, “who do i want to be?”
i know it sounds so cliché but the older i get,
the more i realize that these lessons take practice.
start alone in your room, just sit and be honest with yourself. after you make your list, decide how you can do these things. reading self-help books helps!
imagine sitting in the backseat of your mind and watching yourself from the outside.
watch your movements, pay attention to your thoughts, your inner voice….
i call it your inner roommate, which never stops talking to you.
the book Untethered Soul explains it as being aware of your awareness. this awareness will help you hyper-focus on your body language, self talk and your reactions. this is when you begin to shift your journey towards building a better you and building your confidence. i owe my shift to something that began 8 months ago… i look forward to telling you about it in the future….
i really don’t want to make you wait
believe me it needs its own post.
once you do this for yourself… pay attention… i said
“once you do this FOR YOURSELF”… no one else.
this is when you begin to grow your own confidence. asking for validation from others is food for your ego. when you’re confident and understand your flaws, your best self begins and your ego ends.
the light is within your own skin and mind. love yourself, want more for yourself, build yourself to be confident, you’ll be a step closer to finding peace.